Dating & Mating: 7 Warning Signs You Need Couples Counseling!

Our relationships are important to us. They're the corner stones of our support system- at least they should be. That's until our relationships become the main source of our stress and problems. You obviously care about this person and situation, otherwise you wouldn't be reading! Fight for yourself and your relationship-- you're worth it. Regardless of the outcome, couples counseling can be beneficial. Every relationship isn't guaranteed or supposed to last, but I'm an advocate of at least exploring and trying to solve the problems that stop us of from having the fulfilling and loving relationship every person desires and deserves. Here are classic signs that it may be time to pull in a professional:

1. Poor communication and secrets: You two can't seem to talk calmly, with mutual respect, and without feeling apprehensive, mistrustful, judged, criticized, yelled at, name called, or irritated. If you're unable to tell your partner important thoughts and/or withhold information and actions, this type of secretive behavior only erodes trust and hurts relationships.
2. Constant fighting: Multiple fights during a week is excessive. Even one fight per week isn't necessarily healthy. Experts say you need 7 positive interactions per one negative interaction to still maintain loving conditions for communication and ideal emotional health. If you're fighting constantly, it certainty doesn't help your relationship feel safe or pleasant.
3. Apathy and shutting down: Does it seem like one or both of you is disengaged and would rather escape through work, tv, music, alcohol, friends, or isolation rather than talking and engaging with your significant other? These shutting down and stonewalling behaviors can create further gaps in your love life.
4. Decreased sex and withholding affection: Sometimes modern life can be so busy one may think "Who has time for sex? Not me or anyone I can think of". That's a very false assumption and possible scapegoat for underlying problems. Healthy couples desire to and engage in regular amounts of sex. (whatever amount is common and normal for your relationship prior to problems). Worse than lack of sex is withholding affection. Loving gestures and words add to intimacy, which is equally, if not more essential than actual sex. Both men and women need affection from their partners to feel loved and desired.
5. Avoiding going home and phone conversations: The feeling of wanting to go to happy hour, shopping time, golf time, boys night, etc instead of heading home or calling your significant other is a red light. When a relationship is healthy, one should seek out the comfort of a spouse or partner, not avoid it.
6. Dragging family and friends into problems: The need to pull in a third person as mediator or an ally is an absolute attempt to stabilize your relationship. However, our friends and family are often ill-equipped and biased to help us effectively. Not to mention it burns out your other support systems and can cause resentment as well as mistrust in your relationship with your love.
7. Flirting and Fantasizing about single life: Our eyes never stop working, we can see attractive people and admire them in passing; However, regular fantasizing and flirting is not harmless and is an indicator of a lack of fulfillment in your relationship. These behaviors unchecked can lead to unconscious and eventually purposeful boundary crossing.

Do you think you have one or multiple signs of needing counseling? Reach out to a qualified professional for a consultation.  Not all couples are suitable for dating coaching or counseling. In cases where domestic violence, abuse, addiction or other severe mental health conditions are present, it may be better to address individual and safety concerns first.

What to Wear When You Have "Nothing to Wear"

Happy Monday Fashionistas! We've all been there: room full of clothes, closet packed with options, impending deadline to be dressed, overwhlemed and saying "I have Nothing to Wear!"

"Where is my collarless White Fred Segal Shirt?!" (Clueless)This happens to be best of us. Even The Gathered Lady Bree gets lost in a sea of options and personal frustrations. I've outlined a few problem scenarios and handy go to outfit ideas to take the frustration out of these moments. Here are some suggestions:

To Do: 

• Keep wardrobe basics clean and buy multiples if necessary (I have 3 basic white and gray T's and several black shirts with different collars).
• Use shoes to create trend power and give your outfit a style lift
• Accessories are everything. Using them makes people think your outfit took lots of effort.
• Don't skimp on hair and make-up finishing touches. A ponytail can be sophisticated if groomed properly. Mascara, a wisp of blush, and lip gloss makes a world of different versus a plain dry looking face. A bold lipstick can create the illusion of dramtic timely make-up.

 Dont's: 

• Resort to walking around in sportswear/gym clothes all day
• Haphazardly throw on wrinkled and dirty clothing
• Wear oversized mounds of clothing to cover and avoid your body. It's beautiful in all it's shapes and sizes and there is always something you can accentuate

 Basics to Buy & Keep: 

• A pair of dark denim jeans that fit properly
• A white, gray, and black basic T-shirt
• A nice blouse in a print and solid color
• A pair of black pants that fit properly
• A colorful pair of shoes, purse, clutch, and necklace/earrings/cocktail ring for accents
• A little black dress
• A blazer 

Here are 4 scenarios that I hear women struggle with the most. 

Problem #1 I am lazy/sick/too tired to put in effort. This outfit is ideal for casual shopping, errands, possibly running into someone at Target.

What to wear when you have Nothing to Wear 1 by bree-jenkins featuring a blue rose lipstick

Problem #2: "I feel fat/bloated and none of my clothes fit!" This outfit is ideal for a casual date, movies, lunch or dinner with friends.

What to wear when you have Nothing to Wear 2 by bree-jenkins featuring enamel jewelry

Problem #3: "I have NOTHING-- No time--- & Must look Nice for this event!" This outfit is ideal for a date, nice dinner, mixer, cocktails, business casual dinner or event. The tights can be exchanged for black jeans or pants. The power of this look is in your grooming, make-up, shoe, hand-bag, and accessories game. Looking "expensive" is a powerful default to fall to. Show off your face, hair, eyes, and accents and keep the clothes very simple.

What to wear when you have "Nothing to Wear" 3 by bree-jenkins featuring dangle earrings

Problem #4: I've got no creative juices left. Only the little black dress remains! The little black dress can be worn to work, play, or casual activities. It's all about the accessories & shoe game!

What to Wear When You Have "Nothing to Wear" 4 by bree-jenkins featuring fishnet stockings

Boom! Now you've got options and all of the outfits can be assembled quickly, without specialized undergarments, and are comfy. Did I do a good job? Let us know in the comments below. If you rock one of these versions share it with us on Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter at The Gathered Lady. 

Hairstyles for a Bad Hair Day

Hopefully this article is being read in a preventative manner, but every lady knows eventually you will have a bad hair day. Maybe your hair is in that funky grow out stage between short and mid-length, you have too many grays, greasy hair, a naturalista with crunchy frizzy curls, or a relaxed lady with too much new growth, or a combination of several-- the point is your hair is NOT the business! Well, Gathered Lady Bree to the rescue!  

This past friday, I was in hair hell myself. My curls were wack (dry, undefined in the front, mashed flat in the back, dull, and insanely frizzy and super big). I had almost no time to get out of the house and a wash and go wasn't a viable option! Here's my favorite style saves for bad hair days!

Hair Problem: "My Hair is SHOULD NOT be seen by human eyes"

Solutions: Hair Turban, Wigs

 

Hair Problem: "My roots look horrible". "My Hair is too greasy". "I have too many grays".

Solutions: - French Braid - High Bun with decoraitve head band - Thin Scarf/Hair Tie - Deep Side Part ponytail

 

Hair Problem: "My ends are frayed and damaged." "My Hair is overprocessed and dry" "I am a transitioning natural and I have two textures". "My roots are puffy but the rest of my hair is straight"

Solutions: - French Braid/Twisted Hairline with Bun in back - Humped hair in front with french braid or bun in back  -50's pin-up bangs with bun in back

 

Have you rocked one of these fab styles or have other Bad Hair Day styles that rescue your look? Share your pics with us and if we like it, we'll share it. You can email us at thegatheredlady@gmail.com or find us on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter @TheGatheredLady !

How to rock Earthy and Bohemian Style: Boho Chic

Recently I've been doing a lot of personal styling and make-over for friends and fashion clients. One of the styles that is greatly misinterpreted and highly requested of many of these women is bohemian style, often referred to as "earthy, beachy, hippy, mother-earth, or natural". The problem with some of these terms is that there is often a negative connotation to them (i.e. ungroomed hippy-nature woman). This evokes mental pictures of eccentric women with wild hair, mounds of drab-drapey clothing, a tambourine, and granola shoes. This doesn't have to be! One of the best modern examples of fabulous Boho-Chic (emphasis on Chic!) is Nicole Richie. Her use of draping, colors, vintage, and hippy wear is well balanced and crazy cute!

But there are several ungathered ways this look is carried out. Maybe I'll save that for another article, but I'll give you the ungathered highlights as well as a few gathered recommendations:

Do Not: 

• Wear extremely oversized clothes. Yes, Boho Chic is often flowy cuts and draping, but that should not mean you look like you can fit 2 small kids in your clothes.
• Only wear long peasant skirts, maxi dresses, and knit-wear. This is as crazy as people who only wear leather. It's overkill.
• Let your appreciation for more "natural beauty" turn into poor hygiene and grooming. Mascara, a brush, Lip Balm/Gloss, and accessories make a world of difference in adding the "chic" to Boho-Chic.
• Neglect ward-robe essentials and structured clothes. In order to be a versatile gathered woman, you'll need basics like dark denim jeans, slacks, and other structured pieces. There are always ways to put Boho touches on almost any look.
• Wear flip flops 24/7. Comfotable and cute shoes can be a little bit of a challenge, but don't let that translate into laziness by wearing sneakers, uggs, crocs, and other weather/occasion inappropriate shoes that will make your look fashion unfriendly.

 Do Try: 

• Mixing simple prints in moderation and working up to bolder prints. Prints are an easy way to add Boho style.
• Vintage wear. It can add charm to your look and fashion diva points to your rep!
• Colors. Just because the term is "earthy" doesn't mean you need to stick to brown, tan, cream, and green. The earth has every shade!
• Jewelry. This can be a big misconception about Earthy style. Accessories is actually a major part of this esthetic. Try rocking turquoise, crystals, gems and minerals, bangles, hoops, or feathers!
• Strappy Sandals, Toms, Ankle Boots, Ballet Flats, and Retro and Vintage heels to meet your footwear needs.

Here a few examples of some Boho Styles that can be rocked to various occasions!

To Work

Bohemian Outfit #1 by bree-jenkins featuring nude flats

To Semi-Formal/Dressy Event

Bohemian Outfit #2 by bree-jenkins featuring couture dresses

To A Date

Bohemian Outfit #3 by bree-jenkins featuring a pink peter pan dress

To Shop/Casual

Bohemian Outfit #4 by bree-jenkins featuring mesh beach tote bags

To Outdoor Event in the Fall

bohemian outfit #5 by bree-jenkins featuring Isharya

To Music Concert/Party

Bohemian #6 by bree-jenkins featuring a long strap purse

Do You have amazing Boho Chic style? If so, we'd love to see it! Share your photos with us at thegatheredlady@gmail.com or on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram @ TheGaheredLady and if we like it, we'll share it!

A Gathered Event: Unlikely Heroes Justice Ball 2013

Last week I had the honor of attending the 2013 Justice Ball in support of ending child sex-slavery.  The event was beautiful and housed at the massive Boulevard 3 in Hollywood. The attendees, invited from all over LA, several local mega-churches and synagogues, were dressed elegantly. Although a formal event, many of the fashion savvy LA crowd took that to mean "dress to impress/cocktail attire". Knowing this ahead of time, I opted for a vintage semi-formal dress. Despite the minor faux-pas in formality, the cause of the night was profound and the fashion was lovely. A truly gathered event indeed. We spotted many of the top Fall trends with winter white, vintage film noir, lace, velvet, and black and white.  Check out some of our favorite looks of the night.

Beautiful women in elegant formal dresses

The short and sweet of itChic and edgy rompers and dressesFormal friendsWinter Whites and Classic BlackLovely, right? Just like the gathered women pictured above, we should always be doing more than having great fashion. We can profoundly impact the world with our style and influence beyond our closets.  If you'd like to further support them, consider a donation or spreading the word by liking their facebook. Here are more facts from Unlikely Heroes about child-sex slavery and how this non-profit helps young women in need.

Do you have a gathered event  in Los Angeles, New Orleans, Atlanta, or New York City you'd like for us to attend and share the fashionable experience? Connect with us at thegatheredlady@gmail.com or Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram @TheGatheredLady.